I have moved finally in to my new apartment, after living in a how can I say this.. A Shit Hole..
I moved there because I was out of work and couldn't afford to live anywhere else.
So now here I am living in a very beautiful and lovely apt. And I am pretty much happy. I have my family and friends. Who have been a God send to me and been so encouraging and just there for me.. Rooting me on day after day..
It has been over 9 months since my ex and I ended our relationship. I have reached out to him to return a few things I found of his while packing, He was so very rude, told me just to mail the things and be done with it. I explained I did not have his address. So I just had it and told him to forget it, and that I was trying to do the right thing...... he email to me.. do the right thing and choke on your food and just die and to go to Hell!!!!!!. Can you believe that. Oh well I am sure you can see why I am no longer involved with this sweet man!!
I just went thru some boxes this afternoon and found so much more of his things.. Pictures of us in happier times, (I tore up), tax returns, car loan papers.... just all kinds of things. I even found my journals, and guess what? I was writing how hard it was to live with him and all the mean things he use to say to me. Go figure, back 3 to 4 years ago.
Sometimes I miss him soooo very much, and then I go back and read the hateful and the most vile things that one person can say to another person. And I know why I am not with him. Its hard so very hard, when you thought you were suppose to spend the rest of eternity with this person.. Why did I stay so long.. I guess I figured I could make it right. It just wasn't meant to be is all I can figure
So again here I sit in my new place.
Alone? Yes...
Happy? Yes...
Will I be ok? Yes...
Another man in my life? NO!
Do I want one? Yes... Well Maybe... Someday
Am I scared? Hell Yes!
But This to shall pass.... I am a strong women.. I will be ok..
I think I will always miss Him a little... we shared our innermost feelings, our hopes and dreams for our future...
That's why I'm scared.. I don't want to put myself in that position again to get beat up and ripped apart.
So I will live in this apt alone, and be happy..
I have the best of my family and friends.. Who always lift me up.. Look at me ..... I'm amazing and I'm smiling... Life is good! And it will only get better..
tm
