New Beginnings AGAIN......
 
In the past few weeks, I have quit a dead end job, and started a bright new and wonderful job. I became an office manager of a very large and amazing company. I have been sent around the country a couple of times, and wow it was very cool.
 
So far it's been great. One thing. I wish I had someone to share it with. Oh my family and friends have been absolutely wonderful. I couldn't ask for more love and encouragement.
 
I did something today I never thought I would do. Let me back up a little...then I will tell you.
 
A year and a half ago my ex boyfriend and I broke up.. I think about this man every day.
 
I really wish I didn't, but I do.. I read a book this last weekend and the title was
"Until the end of time" well that will be my love for this man. until the end of time.
Its un-nerving at times. I have tried to move on and I will that is a promise I have made to myself...... 
 
Well I know this man has most likely moved on, so I must do the same..
now back to what I did..
A recruiter contacted me, she was looking for supervisors.
So what I did was give her Alvin's email and phone #.. and told her he was a good man and people really liked him.
She emailed me and told me she to Alvin and she said he was a nice man.
She also told Alvin I referred him to her. So he knows I was thinking about him.
Well I'm sure it didn't matter to him, But I'm was trying to help him out. I don't think he is working at this time. I hate knowing he's not employed ( well not really sure, but just have a feeling)
We always had this way of knowing...
I hope he is well
Its a new beginning for me... I have to move on... but I will love him until the end of time...Lord Help Me :)
It's time....
 
tm 06/2013

New Beginning......

Well here it is the end on November of 2012.
I have moved finally in to my new apartment, after living in a how can I say this.. A Shit Hole..
I moved there because I was out of work and couldn't afford to live anywhere else.
So now here I am living in a very beautiful and lovely apt. And I am pretty much happy. I have my family and friends. Who have been a God send to me and been so encouraging and just there for me.. Rooting me on day after day..
It has been over 9 months since my ex and I ended our relationship. I have reached out to him to return a few things I found of his while packing, He was so very rude, told me just to mail the things and be done with it. I explained I did not have his address. So I just had it and told him to forget it, and that I was trying to do the right thing...... he email to me.. do the right thing and choke on your food and just die and to go to Hell!!!!!!. Can you believe that. Oh well I am sure you can see why I am no longer involved with this sweet man!!
I just went thru some boxes this afternoon and found so much more of his things.. Pictures of us in happier times, (I tore up), tax returns, car loan papers.... just all kinds of things. I even found my journals, and guess what? I was writing how hard it was to live with him and all the mean things he use to say to me. Go figure, back 3 to 4 years ago.
Sometimes I miss him soooo very much, and then I go back and read the hateful and the most vile things that one person can say to another person. And I know why I am not with him. Its hard so very hard, when you thought you were suppose to spend the rest of eternity with this person.. Why did I stay so long.. I guess I figured I could make it right. It just wasn't meant to be is all I can figure
So again here I sit in my new place.
Alone? Yes...
Happy? Yes...
Will I be ok? Yes...
Another man in my life? NO!
Do I want one? Yes... Well Maybe... Someday
Am I scared? Hell Yes!
But This to shall pass.... I am a strong women.. I will be ok.. 
I think I will always miss Him a little... we shared our innermost feelings, our hopes and dreams for our future...
That's why I'm scared.. I don't want to put myself in that position again to get beat up and ripped apart.
So I will live in this apt alone, and be happy..
I have the best of my family and friends.. Who always lift me up.. Look at me ..... I'm amazing and I'm smiling... Life is good! And it will only get better..
tm

Day Tripping

Lately I have been taking allot of Day trips. I call them "Daycations". Sometimes I take friends with me ....But more often then not I am alone. I don't mind being alone that much. I really enjoy the when I go alone. Brings life back into perspective so to speak.

I am alone not totally of my own choice, I guess you could say it was a shared choice.
Sad that 2 people can't see the good and the bad in each other. And just go with it. I wish that with all heart that people would remember in general that marriages end, relationship crumble, and people end up alone. Not how I expected my life to be at 56. It is okay. I am positive and I will always be that way. I guess what is the hardest things to do is like when you have good news, you don't have that "special someone" to call and say "Hey guess what happened to me today" or when all you need is the shoulder to cry on or to have those arms around you and he says to you " it's going to be ok"

I am ok being alone. There are just those times, that you wish there was a "special someone" just to be there for each other.
Just think how much time is spent being stubborn and all the time in our lives that is "wasted"

I will keep taking my "day trips" alone or with friends, and enjoying it all.

I will be ok. My life is changing for the good, I have the wonderful support by my family and the greatest friends a girl could ask for. Thanks guys <3

I'm one Lucky Lady!!!

“Potential”

And then there is “Potential”  .. Definition ~ Capable of being but not yet in existence ~ promising thinkable, undeveloped, unrealized, within realm of possibility

I was speaking with the same man friend, and he was trying to develop a relationship with this women. He told her they had “Potential”. And all he meant by that was he could see himself with her long term. To find the “Happily Ever after” She had been in a 39 year marriage. Her Happily Ever After wasn’t there. Her husband left her for a friend of hers. And according to my friend she talked about him a lot. Well long story short, she could not let herself get into a “physical” relationship with my friend. Even after they have been dating almost 3 months. He told me they had so much fun together. Now please keep in mind that these two individuals are over 60. Which is not old by any stretch of the imagination. It's just life is so Damn short.. We must live it to the fullest.  

I thought about what he told me about him and her. I tried to let him know about women.

This is what I said to him.

 If she was to sleep with you, that would be the end of any kind of memory of the relationship she had with her husband of 39 years. This man broke her heart. She is not over that yet. And she can’t let that go, at least not now”

 I know exactly what she is feeling. Knowing full well that when you do sleep with someone        after a long-term marriage or even a long-term relationship, well if that happens then in our heart of hearts that last relationship is dead, FOREVER! And some of us just cannot let go, this woman is not ready. It isn’t wrong or right, I mean the way we look at things but that is how we are. So men need to deal with that. She was just not ready to give up that last Relationship. She wanted a guarantee from my friend. In other words she wanted to make sure she did not get her heart broken again. I felt she was over the line asking that, since they had not even slept together. It could be awful. And you just don’t know what it will be like until you are intimate with a person.. And as I explained to him.. There are no guarantees in life; otherwise I would still have my last relationship in tack. I asked him if he had told her that, and he said yes… that was the 1^st thing out of his mouth when she wanted the guarantee.

This woman has a lot of soul searching to do. It’s sad; because as he said when they started dating he told her they had “Potential”

I don’t think she understood. Even when he explained to her, she just didn’t get it. I hope soon this woman figures it out. So again "Life is so very short, if you find that special someone.. Hang on to them, and For God Sakes don’t let go".
tm

Happily Ever After

Happily Ever After~~~

 

I was talking with a friend today, he was telling me about a movie he had just seen. It was about an aging Baseball Scout, and his daughter. My friend said it was a good movie and in the end, they… I finished the sentence for him, and said, … “They lived happily ever after”, he said yep..

He then proceeded to ask me about my latest book I was reading. I said well it’s about a rich guy who has a run in with the law, has to help out a place where a disabled Ballerina ran this place for misplaced kids, and in the end the lived “Happily Ever After…

Is there such a thing as Happily Ever After? I asked myself that while I was on a long drive. God I hope there is, but I haven’t found it and frankly I don’t know a lot of people who have. Don’t get me wrong, its out there I have seen it.  And I actually thought I had it at one point. Well I was wrong.

We are all searching for the “Happily Ever After”

Real or make Believe.????

I do know a few couples that have found it, case in point.. Two people who went their own way after high school. Married and thought that was their Happily Ever After, only to find out… it was not… But the good thing was they found each other 20 plus years after school and married, they found their “Happily Ever After” Yeah!! So in some cases it does exist.

What is going On?

As I sit here in my new apt, and the reason it is my new apt, is because I had to move to save money.I keep thinking about the dinner I went to a couple of weeks ago with my girlfriends from High School. There were 8 of us. All very old and dear friends. We try and get together every couple of months. But what I keep thinking about, is that each and everyone of us, have become a satistic of the "New Ecomony" and other factors. As I sat at the table at the Public House in Temecula, We were all talking about what was going on in each of our lives...
First off..
Diana... Both kids grown and out of the house, Both her and her husband's salary's were cut by a very good percentage. Well they ended up losing their home after 25 years. Now live in a rental condo. They are still married (another lucky couple) but have gone thru what so many are.

Then there is Cindy...Well she was telling Diana that she was not sure if they would have a place to live soon. Both her and her husband have lost their jobs. Her husband has been sick and they are out of Unemployment. They have had to seek medical attention from the county. Thank God it was there for them and they were not turned away. She was scared and explained that she was not sure how she was going to buy groceries. hmmmmm

Then the is Michelle # 1
Her and her husband had a construction business up the coast in central Ca. Well the business went under and the ended up loosing their home, They also now live in a much smaller condo. Thank God their marriage survied also

Next is Michelle # 2
She was married around 8 years, her husband lost his job quite sometime ago, well it has taken it's toll on their marriage, and the 2nd week in Jan she came home from work and he was gone. Walked out and that was it.. She told me that she was scared to come home everyday and made sure she went into the house 1st before her son, just in case her husband had taken his life ( how very awful is that)

Next there is Teresa # 1
Her husband and her owned a Swimming Pool Business. Well you all can figure out what happened there. 2 teenage boys, and the $$ is tight. But again it did not break up the marriage.

Then Dix
Was working for a very large Retailer. She was working for the company for over 6 years, When she was hired, she was hired in at double the normal wage, because she knew what she was doing and she was an supervisor, well she was let go 3 weeks ago. And we all know why, they can hire someone to do her job at half the price.

Then Kathy.
I think she is doing ok, actually the only one in the bunch, BUT she is another statistic, she is divorced twice. But she has a job and so far so good...

Then there is me.. Teresa # 2
I have worked all my life. I was married 25 years and now divorced. I was working for a company and had to take a 1 month leave for medical reasons. Nothing serious, but Dr said to take off. (and this was another 1st, I had never taken time off for medical). So my Dr wanted me to take 1 more week for treatment on my foot, the Co said no come back to work or you are fired. Well I went back to work and 2 days later they fired me.That was 10 months ago. I have applied at probably more then 300 jobs, and guess what, I have only had 4 interviews. I was at the top pay for my field, and I have had to go down approx $25,000 just to get interviews, and guess what... I still can't get interviews.
Is it my age 55 and they figure hmmm I can hire her and maybe get another 12 to 15 years work out of her, or do I hire a 30 year old and get 30 years of work of of the younger one! God I hope they don't think like that!
But I guess my point on all the women above is that 7 out of 8 women have become a statistic in one way or another!
How do we fix this ..... Or can it be fixed..
Don't get me stared!